How I Multiplied One Crisis Into Many

During the worst part of my own life crisis, a time when I was pegged at 10 on my internal pain meter, I volunteered for the local suicide hotline and listened to callers explain their reasons and plans for an attempt. It changed my life.

During these phone calls, I lived in their despair, not mine. With patience listening and a light touch of direction, I saw each caller find hints of purpose and courage. Some callers went further, finding accommodation, resolution and epiphany, a moment of new understanding which could hold up to the distress.

Every one of these calls challenged me and some shook me up pretty good. But sometime later - usually hours, at worst, a couple of days - I’d feel uplifted by the experience. Not only had I helped others, I practiced finding my own purpose, courage and fresh insight.

Practice was key.

Transforming 25-Years As An Expert

I graduated from Yale University with a degree in Economics - economics as in the study of human behavior, not economics as in the study of the economy. With that background, I developed a deep understanding of borrower behavior and was recognized as a national expert on the mortgage market.

During the past ten years, I studied psychology and neuroscience, with a particular focus on the nature of experience and on our sense of self. This focus combined my expertise with my strong background in Biology. It gave me great joy.

I learned about hang-ups, binds and defensive behaviors - all ways we get stuck. I learned to describe the processes to resolve these challenges - all ways we get unstuck. I learned how therapy helps clients transition from stuck to unstuck.

Learning is different from understanding. Understanding needs experience.

My practice from the hotline created tremendous, deeply revealing, first hand experience. Practice transformed my rich knowledge of behavior, psychology and neuroscience into a deep intuition about the nature of experience.

Practice revealed Stuck? It revealed Move! It created the intuition necessary to describe How?

Having intuition and conveying intuition are two very different skills. During the past 25 years, I have practiced the art of conveying intuition on very complex subjects.

Stuck? Move! How?

We use experience to change experience.

For example, you listen to a friend share a sorrowful experience. At the end, don’t you try to remind her of a happier moment?

Time on the hot line is the same thing. I would listen to despair, and try to help the caller experience hope at the end.

To others, it might look like talking. At the end, my words didn’t seek to clarify, they evoked a specific experience.

A good part of my listening was to learn what the caller would find hopeful. Every time we speak of torment and despair, we also describe hope.

Find your courage. Quiet your distress. Discover what’s important. Move!

Let me tell you how it’s done.