▼ Breaking Up, Broken Up

▲ "You Don't Know What You Got 'Til Its Gone" ▼

From Strong Silent Types - Stuff About Men:

Many men respond to the breakdown of an intimate relationship by resorting to violence. That is, violence directed toward self and/or to others. It is not surprising then that men are much more likely than women in such difficult situations to kill themselves.

And,

There is a mountain of evidence to support the tragic truth that so many men crash and burn when their partner ups and leaves them, often slowly drinking themselves to death, or killing themselves quickly by suicide. When Ide et al. (2010, p.2) call for greater attention to be paid to the context-based factors that might precipitate suicide by separated persons; I say that must include specific attention to the intricacies of being a man.

We are happier and more resilient when we have consistent access to attachment figures. It's obvious kids need them for a healthy childhood. When the statistics show adults are happier and healthier in a functioning marriage, a significant reason is the presence of the other. If a break up is abrupt, we all feel abandoned and unworthy. The world immediately becomes more hostile and we have lost our biggest source of support and help.

In relationships, men derive greater gains in happiness and resilience than women. Men lose more when a relationship ends. From this perspective, relationships mean more to men (even though they might seem unaware). It seems evolution has provide men this extra pay off so they stick around and support the family. Is it any wonder men react worse when they lose a relationship?

The subtitle quote is from Adam Duritz/Counting Crows covering Joni Mitchell's Big Yellow Taxi. Seems appropriate.

[Much of my writing focuses on our three primary domains of drive and motivation - Achievement, Social Relationships, Knowledge - ASK. This quote is about Social Relationships.]